#shows what i grew up with i guess

[creativebrainrot]

okay rambling time actually

i have so many identity issues (?) no one ever really sees me the way i see my self and i know thats because im currently incapable of allowing myself to act as I am due to my trauma caused by my father.

a n y confidence or personal opinion i dared to state as fact would get interrogated or questions or invalidated and that's resulted in me constantly, involuntarily, cushioning all my language in the tone "or whatever lol something like that lmao idk im just a stupid silly little guy!!! ive never had a thought ever lol lmao !!!!!!!!!" and I genuinely resent that.

its hard to break out of though because I do, also, enjoy purposefully joking like that. I can draw a line between that and my default behavior, its just hard; since the divorce, since his death, since finally being well and truly free, I have had to re-write myself. I'm doing better than ever yeah, this so called chrysalis phase of my life has by all account been awfully stress free, I am grateful for that.

I will never be grateful for being forced in to the molds I was by my father, I hope he rots alone in purgatory. To get back on topic- I am trying to 'fix' this, to rewrite myself into who I really am. It's kinda hard though; when your default is 120% "heehoo i am a sillay little gnome ive never had a thought in my life i am goofy !!!!" then anytime you do speak, plainly, like anyone else would, you feel like all of a sudden you're being "harsh" or "too serious." I know thats not true but part of me does, at least a little, fear that when I've grown into who I want to be the ones I love now won't be there / won't love me the same- I know that's unlikely, I know it won't happen, that if we fade from eachother it'd probably be for other reasons than my speech changing slightly. Because nothing else will change about me I'm not going to actually "get meaner" i'm simply a little frightened that's how it would sound to some.

But, you know. if, self-confidence and the real personality I have coming forward means I lose friends then were we ever really friends? in a way. I don't know but anyway that's only a small fear because I have deadpan phases and deadpan friends/people around me already.

It's the convincing myself to stop panicking everytime I let myself be confident or stoic or sure and secure. The day I've worked through most of the trauma that causes me intense anxiousness and insecurity is the day I can finally thrive and be me.

You don't know how tired I am of cushioning myself in language and tone that says "I am small. I am anxious. I am silly, goofy, tiny, harmless. I am not a threat. I am incapable of being a threat."

because people listen to you. and now that my father is dead and gone I got nothing to be traumatically defensive about like that.

[keepthetension]

this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh

i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest

anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

lmk why i’ve allowed myself to work myself into an emotional wreck over the denby sisters. they were sisters, man… idk

[vnknowcrow]

I'm so sorry y'all, maybe I missed something, some type of scene, something somewhere but I have no fucking clue how you can get lucyXcooper out of this show.

I truly don't gaf about rarepairs or enemies to lovers or shipping just cause you like how they look together or just cause it's fucked up but like genuinely saying they had good romance chemistry (better then Lucy and max even???) Is genuinely mind boggling to me.

Ship what you want, just don't lie to me?

[artsandstoriesandstuff]

Ginger and Gingerbread or something, I don't know I didn't grow up with this show

[tigergender]

I like going back over early SU episodes and thinking about them too hard until my blood vessels in my brain pop. I enjoy the show as much as I did when I was younger but I think my enjoyment has shifted from "watching Steven go on exciting magical adventures" to "watching the horrible threads of everything that encompasses Steven in SU:F betray themselves through innocuous interactions and episodes."

[ellies-enrichment]

brother used in a bestie slang way because tommy can’t say bestie he doesn’t know ellie like that (or at all apparently)

[yaoifortresstwo]

breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh

[nicadilly]

Edit: tfw when u create a fair amount of fanart for the author and commish a 40$ fic only to be mistreated and never get ur money back lol. Got a refund :) Wish the emotional anguish thing never happened but ill heal. They also gaslight on the reg so keep that in mind. if someone told me back in January 2022 i would become an amogus fan/simp for MEN i would laugh. YET HERE WE ARE.

Some of the main characters from @crinklytinfoil ‘s series that is currently causing severe brainrot. @krysmcscience is to blame bcs if it were not for their fanart i wouldnt know abt the fic oops... (also it is a dead dove fic so check it out at your own discretion!)

OH almost forgot about my obligatory “THIS IS NOT THE ARCANA???”

[triglycercule]

duuude i never thought it would be this bad that i literally saw art of my trio. joking around and laughing and having fun. and not immediately smiling and being like yeah this is silly theyd do this. something is clearly wrong

[dream-sans-mogai]

Anyway, because I'm considered a bigger creator within the mogai community and I have a responsibility to address things given my bigger audience-

Please remember that Tumblr, especially LGBT Tumblr concerning discourse and intracommunity issues, is a hyper niche, reactive, violent, sensitive community with next to zero basis in reality at large and you should not take any of its opinions as absolute fact. Especially the mogai community's opinions.

A lot of people on mogai Tumblr talk big game with very clearly fake the-whole-bus-clapped stories about the real world concerning acceptance towards mspec monos, Neopronouns and Xenogenders and it's my job as an adult and guiding voice to remind people these experiences may happen but rarely do and you absolutely should not just tell random people you use purr/purrs pronouns or your a bi gaybian or you identify as Chronosian or other things like that because it's really fucking dangerous even in hyper progressive places like new york, cali and Detroit. It can be deadly in many many small towns, including ones in progressive states. Especially dangerous in non accepting states.

I don't say this to burst your bubble or ruin your hopeful world view but many stories of acceptance are fake, even if some are true, most of the community is underage and just cause your teacher may approve of your Soniccharic identity, doesn't mean they won't tell your transphobic parents. It's scary and dangerous out here for trans and gay people rn and I won't be one of the idiots who tell you to run and frolic with your Xenogender pins Infront of increasingly hostile transphobes. I want the younger gen z trans people to survive and I won't lie to you about the reality of the battle we all are staring down concerning project 2025.

Most of the people telling these stories live in progressive states and do not tell you about the failed times or exaggerate the acceptance they supposedly received. I'm telling you from the mouth of someone who grew up in a tiny town in South Ohio with less than 1,000 people, it's still just as dangerous as it was 10 years ago. I still get followed in my home town. I still get stares in my home town. My actual home town, a place I grew up in where people knew me as the gnc dyke for a good while in my last 2 years of school. Do not spread this shit around to everyone. Nex didn't think they would become a victim, Brianna didn't think she would be one of the unlucky ones, plenty of those we've lost did not think they would die in hate crimes. I almost died in two of the hate crimes I've experienced.

You need to be really fucking careful and although I love than Neopronouns and Xenogenders are becoming more accepted by the larger LGBT community, you need to be very very VERY careful about what you do, what you wear and who you tell what because word spreads fast in suburbia and hate spreads faster. You do not want to be wearing a pin the day some white cishet magat decides he's tired of the "pedophiles" and chooses you as the first victim because you were the first he saw. Don't hide who you are but Be. Fucking. Careful.

[numetalkids]

*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH

[can-of-w0rmz]

Does anyone else have a weird irrational hatred of Bluey? Like I have to put it on for my younger siblings all the time, and I always see stuff online constantly that’s basically like “finally a kid’s show that isn’t bloody insufferable for everyone else in the room”, but like nine times out of ten I’ll usually leave the room immediately after putting it on because I do find it annoying as hell. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it or anything, it’s just a children’s show. Which I, at sixteen years old, generally unsurprisingly find annoying. What’s worse is that I have people I know my age who don’t have younger siblings or who don’t generally babysit at all who watch it on their own time??? I was so flabbergasted I genuinely sat down one 3am (insomnia what did I ever do to you) and tried to actually watch some of it and did NOT get it remotely. One of the biggest things I see constantly online is that it’s relatable??? But at least personally it definitely is not???

Alternative title: whole ass teenager complains about a popular children’s show that has absolutely and utterly no bearing on his life whatsoever if people enjoy it (seriously, do whatever you want I’m genuinely just confused what the appeal is)

[youregonnabeokay-kid]

my ability to hate the 911 writers is fucking unmatched

[fingertipsmp3]

I wish all food service workers who are weird about regulars always ordering the same specific thing and tease them for it a very “please don’t do that”

[aquietgirlsmess]

"Really ? That's all you're gonna say to him ? You're a fucking pussy"

Oh shut it Mandy ! You're not helping with this sort of comment.